every beat of my heart

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

there's nothing bout this song (:
i juz like the sound it gives (:
and it's been playing over and over my laptop for the whole of today x) waha

thanks to ben for sending me the song!! (:

here's going crazy by natalie for you..

oh anyway.. i chanced upon this on sandra's blog... :D very interesting...
Why did the snowman call his dog Frost?
Because frost bites.

Why did Ken keep his trumpet in the fridge?
Because he likes cool music.

Why is a football stadium cool?
Its full of fans.

Why do birds fly South in the winter?
Its too far to walk.

Who is Jesus?
-IN CHEMISTRY, HE TURNED WATER TO WINE.
-IN BIOLOGY, HE WAS BORN WITHOUT THE NORMAL CONCEPTION;
-IN PHYSICS, HE DISAPPROVED THE LAW OF GRAVITY WHEN HE ASCENDED INTO HEAVEN;
-IN ECONOMICS, HE DISAPPROVED THE LAW OF DIMINISHING RETURN BY FEEDING 5000 MEN WITH TWO FISHES & 5 LOAVES OF BREAD;
-IN MEDICINE, HE CURED THE SICK AND THE BLIND WITHOUT ADMINISTERING A SINGLE DOSE OF DRUGS,
-IN HISTORY, HE IS THE BEGINNING AND THE END;
-IN GOVERNMENT, HE SAID THAT HE SHALL BE CALLED WONDERFUL COUNSELOR, PRINCE OF PEACE;
-IN RELIGION, HE SAID NO ONE COMES TO THE FATHER EXCEPT THROUGH HIM;

SO. WHO IS HE?
HE IS JESUS!
IN HIM I'VE FOUND EVERYTHING!

The Greatest Man in History-
Jesus had no servants, yet they called Him Master.
Had no degree, yet they called Him Teacher.
Had no medicines, yet they called Him Healer.
Had no army, yet kings feared Him.
Won no military battles, yet conquered the world.
Committed no crime, yet they crucified Him.
Buried in a tomb, yet He lives today.

*throbs @20:58
0 <3

lovely tuesday (:

i'm a very happy girl today (:
juz for today only. very very very happy.

lalalaaaaaaaaa
wheeeeeeeeee
yayyyyyyyyy!!

haha (: well.. it's really been a very long stince i stayed at home for a day (: it really has been a long time. thinking back the last time i stayed at home and not go out for any activities was like last long break during the year end hols. x) wow. that long ago. it's either there's training or physio or tuition or service.. i really missed this kind of homey feeling already (: being able to have dinner with my grandparents with the food still warm in it's dish.. sighhhhhhhhhh (:

well well!! today's tuesday!!!! second day of holiday but the first day of not needing to step into school :D well let's see. this morning i woke up and went out to help pauline get her microsoft office pro plus 2007. it took me half hour to leave house and be back. and i thought the queue at singpost would be like longlonglong.. haha.. came home packed my stuff - notes, tutorials, hc admin, old newspapers lying around.. haha.. feels like alot of work i did.. but oh well..!! lunched my long lost porridge (: continued packing..

juz when i finished packing... off to bishan!!! :D went out with my grandma cuz she wanted to learn how to go to bishan (: so i went with her.. walked a very short while.. at ntuc. haha.. den went to the very new and nicely furnished bishan library. the books there are like sadly few. library so big yet books so few.. saddening. bused home. reached home at bout 3.

came home filed all my notes.. filled up my notes too with the ones i borrowed from chuan. geex i realised that i've missed SOOOOOOOOO much during lectures.. tsktsk to me. my notes are EMPTY. haha. i feel sad for myself.. so well!! after filing all those notes... my notes are now worth 10cm in thickness when i stack all the notes for all my subjects for juz this half year x) and this iz the amount and MORE that i'm expected to cover in 1month's time.. GEEX.. i'm gonna die studying.. literally.

had a really sumptuous dinner prepared by my beloved grandma (: all the good food one can ever ask for. there's like rice, with my fav beans, with fish in onions and tomato, with prawn flavoured seasoned chicken wings, with special fuzhou pork soup. yumyum.. you better drool la (: gosh and not forgetting the mango pudding dessert my grandma prepared. x) i really should start picking up cooking from my grandma (:

and even when i'm happily eating my apple now.. i'm still feeling hungry.. hmmm.. it's either my stomach iz a bottomless pit or there are worms in my tummy :D oh well..!! i feel like eating ice cream!!!! x) geex.. i tink staying at home makes me hungry.. den again.. i tink being happy makes me hungry (:

wellwell..
28may, monday.
tired day.
had training. did like 100m timed sprints in 20sec or less for each 100m. start each run at the strike of a minute.. which means at after each 20secs sprint i'm entitled to 40secs of break and off i go. did that for 15-17times per set and two sets for the day. geex. tiring. very. spent like majority of the time during training recovering for the set. sigh. i need to work on it!!!!! rah. after that did like 4laps of fast bearwalk in 1.51min. died died dead. x)

sugarcaned.. zoned out for quite alot of times.. den walked to bedok lib to borrow and return books for my grandma.. stole bout 20mins of nap at the lib itself (: not very good but better than none. cuz after lib there's physio.. yeah so off i went for physio.. clocked a 5k in 24.57mins. den did hamstring strengthening the rest of the time. geex. after a week of break from physio.. all the strengthening exercises made my every muscle group feel the correct and proper strain (: yes it was tiring.. and it was achy.. but it felt great (: to know that i am able to get the exercise right and feel the right exercise =P

all i know iz i came home shag. slept after dinner until 10? yeah. deadbeat. slept early at bout 1230 too i tink..? yeah.. zzz (:

*throbs @20:12
0 <3

Monday, May 28, 2007

titans day3 + 6friends + melly concert

aye i thought and thought and thought.
never once did it leave my mind. the close similarity between what happened before and now. could it juz be yet again history repeating itself? i dare not think of it this way. maybe it's a slight difference that this time there's a spoken level of commitment. but when previously i simply believed what was said to me at it's level can i still do the same this time? how can i be so sure that what was spoken iz to be for sure, to be true? how can i be so sure that the future iz within the control of words? how can i be so sure so certain so.. hopelessly gulible?

stop daydreaming.
i was told. by bk.

stop daydreaming. that was my trigger of thoughts. it's more than a year more before bk allows the venture.. how can i be sure that in time to come things will still be the same? hmmm.. well that was the interesting and sudden fellowship we had with bk. it really iz sudden :D

well.. so that was saturday for me.
recap a little more...
25may, friday.
third day of titans. 7k team run, log relays. log throws for the guys.
geex. well this iz the day for the events we have all never trained for. and we did them all. and i'm not ashamed to say we did them in pretty bad shape ): well.. 7k was good that we managed to run it all without any gaps. so no point deduced.. but yuanjing almost fainted due to overexhaustion. and because we continued running we had 5points demerit for lack of consideration of safety for team. timing clocked by alpha was bad. very bad. 49mins as timed by wilson. traffic lights were against us very much. irritating. after 7k there was the log throws. well i'd say alpha didn't do very well.. but cant be blamed. i tink the instructors was ****ed up too. biased idiots. got wilson and i pretty down staring at all the other house's no counts being counted. thanks alpha hc and whoever else who dedicated a song to both of us with the message of "cheer up" (: thanks. after that log relay. we ran we tried we really did. it isn't easy to run with the log. in fact it's bad. 3bruises on my right shoulder all because of that run. 2of which are on my bone so it hurts really bad. anyway.. during the run after my leg i overheard an instructor saying alpha girls sure can run.. waha. well done girls. esp my team comprising of yuanjing phyllis and yasmine. we actually came in first for our leg (: but team alpha came in third for the log relay.

i was really glad titans was over. finally. all the disappointments, dishearten-ments and discouragements all over and done with. i rejoiced at it's end even though we didn't perform very well on the last day. so off we trotted to the hall for prize giving.. not expecting to receive anything. as we walked the guys played.. bouncing off the inflatables.. it was fun juz watching them have fun (: well in the hallll.... prize giving.. cherlyn got best performance for situps(expected)!!! :D and i got best performace for squat thrusts and surprisingly shuttle run. gosh i was shocked. i'm serious i was!!!! i always thought grace would do better for the shuttle suicides cuz netballers are great at em.. but i clocked a 6.02mins for 2runs combined. wow. i'm amazed at myself. haha. well grace obviously got the best performance for 5k with 28min++ and melissa khoo got the one for incline with 36.. WE MISSED BY TWOOOO!!!!! oh well..! and delta got clinched champ for titans07. congrats delta.

but den again....... top10 titans (:
wilson came in 7th? there was adri in 6th? and nicholas lau in SECOND!!! so pro. haha (:
yasmine came in....... top10 x) i cant rem...!!!! cherlyn came in 2nd (: and i came in first. i'm amazed at myself. but my dad keeps saying it's a legacy kept forever in tj history. my family's proud of me (: at least i didn't let em down. ms titans 2007. but i'm still nat (: the nat you know the nat everyone knows. (:

oh and i forgot to say. THANK YOU CHUANLI for making that veryyyy last minute substitution!!! though you didn't get any sleep and you were aching but you still did alpha proud. thank you so very much!!

after titans in school ended. chuanli and i headed down to ITEsimei for waterpolooooo (: haha. first time playing and i'd say it was fun. except playing against the swimmers cuz they owned us like noone's business. :D well playing against the other learners was more fun cuz there's such thing out-swimming them for the ball x) yeah i outswam them and got the ball.. but against the swimmers i juz conserved my energy no point. haha. yeah. and trying to trap water and stay afloat was never more tiring. trying to bounce off the floor of the pool wiht only my right leg made my right calf really tight and it almost crampped. haha. at least i didn't cramp!! =P chuanli and kenneth had calf cramps for a really long period of time :D but nonetheless it was fun playing the water and of cuz playing waterpolo. it's wayyyyyy rough k. i saw neritta literally pressing a girl in front of her down into the water like wanting to drown her. tsktsk!!!

after waterpolo i went to find my mum in her office. slept a while den my mum's colleague joined me and my mum for dinner at "miss u cafe" :D the ambience iz great in there (: the food was not bad except the beetroot sauce kinda destroyed my liking for my meal. but my mum's speghetti was yummy (: they offer such thing as mixed cream and tomato sauce x) yum. and i had yummy 'sinful treats' for dessert. double choc ice cream with marshmallow covered in fudge (: yumyum simply irresistable.

after dinner headed home with my mum. on the bus the weirdest thing happened. it was juz bout 4busstops away from my busstop.. there was this guy who was apparently sleeping on the bus.. he slept until he fell off the chair with a thud and he still continued sleeping on. o.O like oh my gosh. the funny thing iz that i didn't know that happened until my mum told me someone fell off the chair. gosh. he literally slept like a log. and he didn't wake up. for 4busstops. at my stop i had to tap him more than 5times asking him if he was okay when he finally woke up and faster got off the bus in a daze. lolx.

came home. tired. tried to contact some friends for service the next day. negative negative and more negative. went to bed in disappointment and heaviness.

26may, saturday.
woke up and the first thing i read on my phone was this,
"2cor 4:16-18
Therefore we do not lose heart............"
thank you ailin. the others iz not important. cuz i only needed this statement. not losing heart. i woke up continued calling up. and this time it was really calling. i scrolled my phone book. went online. i hogged the house phone the whole morning til i left house. thank you to those who came down. thanks debbie, chinkai, wilson, amanda, tzejie, dave (: really thanks for taking the time off to come down for the service. esp chinkai and dave and amanda. amanda for cancelling your bible study to come down this week. and chinkai for coming down despite needing to leave early for your own bible study. and dave for staying in sengkang yet coming all the way down.. and den needing to leave early to head to AMK by7. thank you so much for going through all that trouble!!! (:

well.. service was alright.. pretty long but it was alright (: went down to simpang to eat prata again. and i left in a hurry that i forgot to pay for my dinner. x) heh. sorry jonathan!! yeah.. so i left to meet yL at siglap gelare to pass him back his spikes.. all the best for your race on wednesday!! (: and thanks for the chocolate biscuits. came home.

27may, sunday. today.
routine sunday!!!!!! ): tuition but today was SHORT. waha!! yeah!!! it was only slightly past a hour.. but i rem falling asleep a little while as my uncle pondered for a very long time over a question :D den went down to my grandma's slacked and ate alot den headed down to bugis to meet rae and jud. was early so went window shopping for a while. crowded. but i sooooo feel like going out to earn my own keep and finally get to go shopping. sigh. i cant wait to go out into the working society. the grass will always be greener on the other side. x) after meeting jud we walked to NAFA for melly's concert (: the place was wow. nicely furnished and grand and quiet and very formal on the inside.. and the concert was great not bad (: melly played quite a number of pieces.. so talented. violin and piano. wow. but the last piece was a little long and draggy.. i almost dozed off =X sorry!!!

after the concert ended.. jud and i walked back towards parco. got a bread to eat and she got mac. headed home. stoned the rest of the night. i thought bout quite a number of things. all thanks to my dad. he helped me rub my bruises on my knee and shoulder. and as he rubbed he nagged me on.. haha.. and he was telling me to go on a cert collection spree.. dun care if you'll use the skills taught in the course or not juz get the cert. o.O!!! lolx. waste time. oh well!! hopefully my Alevel results turn out good else i'll have to backtrack and replan my outlook in life already.. oh well!!

i guess this iz really one eventful weekend for me (:
geex. i'm tired. i juz realised i really am. physically, mentally emotionally.

*throbs @01:46
0 <3

Thursday, May 24, 2007

titans day1 and 2.

titans.
titans.
titans.
titans.

yes you got it right. it's titans. today iz the second day of commencment of the temasek titans 2007. juz a reflection to why i even joined it in the beginning. well it's not cuz there was a shortage of girls signing up. maybe it was, but to a minimal extend. i guess i was wrong when i thought that titans was only for the inhumans last year. in fact, i thought of titans as challenging and yet interesting and surprisingly fun. mad? maybe so maybe not. but it sure does feel good to be part of titans this year.

well looking back on yesterday....
23may, wednesday.
first day of titans we did individual events. 5k, situps, squat thrusts, incline and lastly shuttle suicides.
imagine doing all these in one afternoon. might think it's crazy right? but to my surprise doing it didn't feel that bad. it all seemed.... doable! (: yeah. started the event with the 5k event. came in 3rd for the girls. started too fast with debbie. and couldn't really do downslopes well so i could only stare on as grace juz went fast and further outta sight. well done grace (: den there was situps next. i did 121 in 3mins. waha! achievement (: but cherlyn like did 131 la..!! oh well!! :D at least my 124squat thrusts in 3mins boosted some morale for me. after that i did 34inclines so did cherlyn (: but i had 4no counts. RAH!! cuz the last few i only relied on my right arm to pull myself up. oops. haha. shuttle suicides was yay (: though i tink my timing was slower than during practices.. but taking into consideration all the past events we did within that few hours i'd say it wasn't that bad (: plus i wasn't as tired as i expected myself to be immediately after the runs. in fact when normally i wouldn't have energy for the last dash i sprinted my way back to the finishing line (: happy!! so well done alpha titans for day1!! (: i'd say we did averagely well.

putting titans aside.. after ending at past8 i ended in a really HUGE fluster.. thanks cherlyn for calming me down a little.. haha x) well i bathed in a jiffy and came outta the shower still perspiring. haha. den rushed to the bedok mrt to train down to city hall. sorry jere for keeping you waiting!! and thanks for offering to go with me to church office as well. x) i seriously would have gotten myself lost. heh. ya. so like rush rush rush reached church office met chia got changed registered go in stand there while chia explains her design den go out done. wow. changed out left office. the whole process took.... 25mins. and when i we finally slowed down out pace i died. tired shag whatever you wanna call it. came home tried to do a lil' work slept. soundly.

24may, thursday. today.
second day of titans. log events. bicerp curl, shoulder press, half squats, situps, chest press.
today i'd say it was bad. really bad. it wasn't like this during trainings. all the countless number of no counts. it really was a waste. we could have come in first or maybe at least a second. but we came in third. missing the second by a whole 20counts. we could have done better. guys girls everyone. but it's okay. still it was a great job well done. at least we completed the event. (: drank lotsa water cuz the sun was scorching hot. and cuz of that horrible sun i'm chaota again. rah. but this time i'm really black. and because of the tape that i used throughout the whole event my knee iz striped. waha lolx!!! oh well..!! thanks to alpha hc elects for serving the drinks and being there with us under the sun. thanks to anh crystal yanning jen cherlyn and everyone else who gave my arms very good massages after some of the events. thanks to the few alpha titan guys chester yangyu adri nigel for cheering me on so much. thanks to everyone for being a part of titans. well done delta titans for clinching that first position.

and yes.. sorry alpha titans. i juz wasn't strong enough to hold on and lift that darn log. sorry for letting all of you down. i could always give an excuse saying that my knee wasn't allowing me to push on.. but no. my knee was fine. i guess it's juz a mentality that bogged me down. we could really have done better.

one more day to go.

*throbs @14:48
0 <3

Sunday, May 20, 2007

emerge competition + summary (:

wheeeeeee (:
remarkable week i had (: guess it's always the little things that matter the most.. i juz feel that this week was a great week (: thanks to everyone who has been part of the week!!! :D

well.. let's seeeee.. apart from getting bruises on my arm, hand and wrist.. i guess i'm feeling fine!!! heh. 2outta3 came from the log trainings for titans.. haha.. and the one on my hand iz cuz i accidentally swing my hand and hit a key that was sticking outta the locker. geex. i'm not having talasimia(i dunno how to spell) am i?? hmmm!

yeah. so where did i stop..? oh..
15may, tuesday.
there was nothing much happening :D was feeling a little miserable for a while. talked to jon bout some stuff..? still felt very bogged down.. felt like crying at a point in time ): had titans training in the later part of the afternoon den went for track. came home shag. but at least things got better (:

16may, wednesday.
nothing much as well :D had physio. really slack physio if i rem correctly. i tink. oh.. i rem!!! i did front and side planks with Dale. haha. he said i kicked his ass. lolx. i tink i requested for more workouts. haha. i rem!! i did cable works. the day i did all the workouts i hated since i began physio 2years back.

thinking about my post on wed...
<nad>: responsibility huh. =) guess we all have to face that sooner or later. we have to take charge of the things around us or else it will lead our lives! but most importantly, let God have control of you, and everything else will fall into place. =)
this iz good (: thanks nad! worth putting into my post. (:

17may, thursday.
today i literally died. haha.. no la. i came home after lessons cuz lessons ended early. slacked a little and headed back to school. met crystal for a 5k run (: the next thing i knew it started raining o.O but nonetheless we ran in the light drizzle (: great run crystal!! the sky actually held up for us (: yay. but the stupid new turning gate that was SMARTLY installed by the school at the back gate iz screwed up really. it only allows students to go out of school and not go in. BOO! it's a really lousy system. so crystal and i had to walk the big round to the front gate. bleh.

and cuz of that walk i missed the whole track store cleanup.. SORRY GUYS!!! =X after the run.. i went for titans log training. waha i killed myself okay. it was really tough and strenous on my muscles.. but at least i feel that i'm getting stronger!! (: and this was how i got my bruises. haha. after logs we did incline and squat thrusts as well.. x)

and smartly after titans training. i went for track training. haha. mr teo made me do bear walk for 4laps x 3times. in the midst of doing it my chest started to hurt ): mr teo says it's overstrain cuz i've been doing alot other stuff(which iz true) before turning up for track ): sigh. oh well!! had sugar cane and came home really shag. couldn't even stay awake studying for the chem test long. ):

18may, friday.
as usual.. TGIF!!! (:
HAPPY BIRTHDAY BROTHER KENNETH!! (:
yeah. had the chem test that was pretty bad. den the day lulled by... :D did a 10k run during physio. pauline wanted me to clock under 50mins. and i clocked a 50min 4secs. ):< disappointing 4seconds. but i dun tink i'll ever wanna run below 50mins again. it's really bad. my knee started hurting after that but edmund says it's normal. so i shall juz believe him. after that did agility and lotsa stretching without much avail. but i tink the timing i clocked for agility wasn't very bad. i tink. :D pauline made me do abs work after that. and so i ended up with plank workouts with Dale again. but this time he was slacking =P i had to hang on for both front and side planks for 1minhalf!!! but i did it. yes! and after that edmund helped me with a rub down massage (:

19may, saturday.
woke up early for the emerge track and field competition (: met serene lynnette leeying isabel and jon (: i cycled to SAJC. haha. x) and i ran 1500m, 400m and 4x100m. geex.. i was mad to take part in so many events.. but my knee was being a good knee (: it didn't rebel again me. yay (: clinched a gold for my 2nd pet midD event, trailed after serene(the beloved gold medalist) for the 400m, and together we clinched a third for the relay (: almost got DQed. but due to our violent protests we got third. i still feel really bad bout the protesting. oh well. but the whole event dragged really long. ended at bout 230? in the end had to give the sentosa outreach a miss. but nonetheless.. thanks ben for the concern before the event!! (: thanks serene, lynnette, leeying, isabel, jonathan for cheering me on!! (: and thanks BK and serena for the warm congratulatory (: next year it'll be swim or badminton!! :D

shoutouts!!
serene twin!!! i'm SOOOOO proud of you!! (: you did really well for your 400m event!! although it was heats straight finals you ran like the wind!!! (: hee!! you're way too good for me in 400m.. i was like dying at the last 100m already la x) and your relay.. you like caught up by soooo much from the 2 in front la!! i'd say if you were given 10m more you'll have overtaken em!! x) oh well!! shine on k serene! and rem, you were once and TJtracker and always will you leave your name in the history of TJ TnF =) you did the JC/CI cluster proud! loves!! and yes!! shopping k!! (: adidas shoppingggggg!! and of cuz eat to our heart's content (: i miss you!!

lynnette snowball!! :D the name snowball iz long forgotten already (: so proud of you for your 100m event!! who says shuttlers cant beat trackers.. everyone else who were behind you for that race could juz have been that tracker you thrashed (: see!! never look down on shuttlers esp those like yourself =) and of cuz not forgetting the leg you ran for the relay. gosh. you caught up by SOOOO much!! way to go lynnette!!

rushed home. rushed to expo hall1. it took me AGES to catch a cab under the hot sun. although i bathed before coming outta house.. i was bathed in perspiration soon cuz the cabs weren't cooperating. rah! the cabby uncle who stopped was nice. cuz he actually made a U-turn further down the road to pick me up cuz he was on the other side of the road (: and he gave me tissue to wipe my sweat and turned up the aircon too (: and did you know..?? his taxi's door opens automatically.!!! i was shocked!! haha. so cool (: it's a way cool invention of a gentleman (:

had svc which was good. den there was fellowship at eastpoint... jon, chia, jere, thomas and i walked to eastpoint while the rest took a lift from BK's mini "bus" :D BK treated everyone with sumptuous 10dish meal "cook fry". very full. den had crazy fellowship in the open area in front of longjohn. haha. den headed home with the westies and ailin by train (: ailin really iz the source of joy and fun in the cg. without ailin the whole place becomes so quiet. x) nonetheless the morning and noon sun left me with a throbbing head for the rest of the evening and night.

20may, sunday. today.
i cancelled tuition!!!! wahahahaha!!! went for service instead. feels so weird to be going for a sunday svc cuz i seldom go for sunday services. x) i was tired and i almost dozed off. ): nvm. den i had a strawberry cheesecake craving that couldn't be satisfied cuz rockymaster was out of it. in the end had chicken rice for lunch. after chicken rice jere jon and i didn't attend PM so we trained off (: jon left at tanah merah for tampines while jere joined me til city hall on my journey to buona vista :D
i smiled at that message (: it's not wrong to say that i have my desires for physical touch as well. this iz a world devoid of love.
went to my grandma's til bout 5 den headed home. tired but couldn't nod off on the bus ride so i read my book. oh well! came home and watched spidey2 for the first time. x) i still tink the book iz better than the show. haha (: but it's sweet. it's really sweet. MJ in her bridal gown running off to meet spidey. go get em, tiger (:

and all of a sudden today juz seems so much lighter. day of profoundity. how can you determine perfection when perfection iz never unto us to define..? that because of the presence of the spirit within that makes the flesh pure.. that prayer being the only solution to the problem.. our prayer life and our worldly views.. opportunity cost. sometimes it's hard to simply believe in Matt6:33. but i guess all in all it's still the ability to be able to trust God that the opportunity cost he will exchange for productivity and efficiency.. it's been long since i revealed so much. thanks (: ben and jere (:
http://www.allaboutprayer.org/hearing-gods-voice.htm

*throbs @22:00
0 <3

Thursday, May 17, 2007

how to touch a girl

How to touch a girl
By Jojo

i think I could like you,
i already do.
feelings can grow,
but they can go away too.
you're taking my hand,
looking into my eyes.
don't be in a rush to get me tonight.

i feel something happening;
could this be a spark?
to satisfy me baby,
you gotta satisfy my heart.

do you know how to touch a girl?
if you want me so much,
first I have to know:
are you thoughtful and kind?
do you care what's on my mind?
or am I just for show?
you'll go far in this world
if you know how to touch a girl.

i think I could like you,
but I keep holding back, '
cause I can't seem to tell if you're fiction or fact.
show me you can laugh,
show me you can cry.
show me who you really are,
deep down inside.

do you feel something happening?
could this be for real?
i don't know right now,
but tonight we'll reveal:

bring me some flowers,
conversation for hours,
to see if we really connect,
and baby, if we do,
I'll be giving all my love to you.
i tried to be nice and patient, i tried to keep things light.. but you keep trying to make things hard for me, you never fail to make me feel really bad. i promised myself not be to hostile and so i'll try to keep my word to myself.

*throbs @14:32
0 <3

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

responsibility quote

"Responsibility -- the ability to respond -- is quite possibly the most powerful tool you can have for making positive, lasting change in your life. And the most amazing thing is the moment you declare 'I'm responsible' old doors close and new ones open...The word 'victor' replaces 'victim', and so many of the dreams you have forgotten come true. Pretty good deal, huh?"
-- John St. Augustine
Author of "Living An Uncommon Life"

When we are first introduced to the idea of taking total responsibility for our lives, it seems ludicrous. We look around us, at all the clutter , and feel overwhelmed by the idea that we could have caused it. We see the pain, the chaos, the walls of doubt and fear, and we tell ourselves that someone or something else did this to us. We look at the disease that plagues our bodies, the disfunction that riddles our relationships, the inconsistency that rules our finances and all the noise that holds back our spirit and we cannot fathom that we would have created any of this.

But if we are to know and experience true transformation, we simply must accept responsibility for it all. Because until we do that, we remain victims trapped by fate. Only responsibility can free us from that role. Only total responsibility allows us to step forth as conquerors to transform and rule our world. And that is a very good deal. A very good deal, indeed. May you always make up yourmind to swim.

*throbs @00:25
0 <3

Monday, May 14, 2007

sorry jere + disaster tiramisu

i dunno if you'll ever chance upon this.. but i still wanna say sorry. i'm really very sorry that things have turned out this way. i didn't intend to make you feel like this.. i guess i never knew. i wish i could have eaten back my words.. but that might juz have hurt even more. i juz hope everything will be fine and that you'll be fine. sorry. if only sorry would help a single bit.

i guess things juz went awry.. it's not your fault but mine. it's not that you're not good. in fact you're amazing. equipped with many rare talents. it's not one but many. it's one thing to be a jack of all trades but master of none.. and it's another thing to be a jack of all trades and master of all. it's wonderful! so never ever think of yourself as useless ya! whenever you do, go do something that you're good at. it might juz help to brighten things a little. juz the way i used to go for a run whenever i'm feeling down. yes maybe you may be of a different calibre, but that doesn't make you inferior in any way. moreover humans are still humans. juz wired up differently.. the thing iz juz that yeah you're different.. not exactly saying my cup of tea.. it's smth more that i'm looking for that i cannot find. i dun wan you to change cuz that wont be you anymore. i believe that not everything about relationships are great. more often than not there are so many things that becomes burdens of the relationship. i'm not denying that i too wanted to get to know you better for being able to get to know people and make friends don't come by easily. and i really dun wish to lose you as a friend. rem i still owe you a hug x)

people dun care how much you know until they know how much you care.
i dun care how much you can sweet talk until i feel how much you care.
well well. wad a day. a day that caught me really in a frantic mood. i was frantic alright.

mr low was absent so chem prac was cancelled.. means early physio. had 10laps of walking lunges with a 15lbs body bar.. did not even half of the hamstring strengthening exercises when i can called away to do balancing with Dale. waha. it was funny. and my calves were tight like crazy. ended physio early.. i requested to leave by 445.. but 4 was indeed too early.. nonetheless i headed back to school for releasing of nominees results. all the nominees got in except yenberg cuz of disciplinary matters.. if only he stayed outta tong's way.. he would have made a pretty not bad sports cap. rah. oh well. den headed home with my heart pulsating nonstop. this iz the first time i prayed on the bus on the way back. i really did.

13may, sunday.
routine.
HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!
yeah. it's mother's day. on saturday i made a tiramisu as my mum's mother's day present. and this morning when we took it out to try. yuck. it's BITTER!!!! ): have you ever eaten a bitter tiramisu?!? lolx. and i dunno if my mum liked. sigh. it's bitter. no longer izzit a tiramisu dream.. it iz a tiramisu disaster ): sigh. and being put down not juz by my immediate relatives.. the list goes down to my mum's side relatives because she asked we bring some over. sigh. i know it's bitter and i didn't want it to turn out this way either la!!

12may, saturday.
woke up late. baked that disaster tiramisu and with the egg whites i didn't use my grandma made angel cake (: that one was nice. den went for service which was on meekness. and den went for makan at 85. it was alright? i realised everywhere when there's ailin there's fun. (: yay to ailin..!

*throbs @23:37
0 <3

Saturday, May 12, 2007

recapppppp!

it was juz days ago that i had a bad dream.. at least one of those many dreams that i rem.
"i dreamt of myself sitting up on the examination bed. pauline was beside telling me that my injury had recurred. and the worse of it was when she told me that my right knee has gone down as well.. left ACL and meniscus and the right medial meniscus....."
well.. been having alot of dejavu recently.. juz hopefully this wont be one of them ): condemned to being crippled.

well.. today i was comdemned to doing hamstring strengthening cuz of PFPS [patella furmeora(?) pain symdrome] in other words.. overworked knees ): it's a big and fat irritant, really.

sorry for not updating for so long serene!! was lazy.. plus i couldn't decide on anything interesting to spice up this dead site x) let me try to do a little recap.....
3may, thursday.
had alpha's first titans training....

4may, friday.
mega house function. no it wasn't a failure.. but neither was it a huge success.. ended with some black faces but at least kaiyi was observance to have spotted stars that night.. talking about stars, there's alot of em outside this very night. lovely (:

the food was great at the house function. cuz we were early, kaiyi and chuan and myself decided to be mischievous and started a queue for the food when the food hasn't even started being served. :D and to tink that everyone joined the queue. lolx. the follow blindly syndrome in every singaporean. haha. the queue actually grew to quite long x)

subsequently there were bands playing.. (jon sang!!!(: ) 80% alcohol was good x) but it was different. it juz wasn't the same feeling as one of the events that my class girls went for last year. i rem us jumping around like mad. and not forgetting SAorientation1-2006. but nonetheless it was good. deco was nice (: disco ball.. not much used but it was okay..

the only game that left an impression in me was when trinity was paid $20 to gethis head shaved. and zhenghui and justin ate live mealworms for $50. lolx.

5may, saturday.
had mother's day dinner. (: i realised it was the exact same restaurant that we went to last year for the same function. waha. pity dad wasn't there. rem i got a little tipsy last year from red wine. this year had less than a glass.. ain't fun. haha x) but nonetheless, the mums all had their karaoke sessions and they enjoyed themselves.. guess that's wad counts the most. the kids enjoyed it too?? at least we enjoyed the food :D

6may, sunday.
went for morning service. den wasted quite abit of time at J8 watching some cooking competition.. original intention was for autography session by Sun? turned out no exactly.. she didn't even sing a full song cuz she had to catch a plane. rah. den studied at MosBurger til 5 when i zoned out. my attention span iz seriously very short. i cant stand it myself. sigh. ya. den met my mum to shop of the week's supply of groceries. headed home. den left again.

this time round to city hall.......... to release some balloons (: BK proposed to Serena!!!!! AHHHHH!! now they're engaged (: heh. so cool!! we were at the bridge that linked marina square and millenia walk? some hidden grass space near ritz carlton. although the wait was long. but it was worth it. seeing the balloons take off into the air. wow. (: i should have brought my camera. oh well!! talked to ben throughout the whole wait. sang with ailin and jon a while too.. den headed home....... (:
CONGRATULATIONS KENNETH AND SERENA!!

7may, monday.
monday blues. chem mock spa... GP hw never do.. in the end juz anyhow whacked for everything.

8may, tuesday.
frigging math test. supposedly it was suppose to be easy. but my fault..!!! i didn't do my tutorials.. so face it. i'm juz not interested in math as much as i am for chem? x)

9may, wednesday.
ran 10k for physio. 54.22min. deproving.. but dun care. kneeeeeee hurt. ):

den i spent the evening at the movies with my mum (: she wanted to go watch a comedy so we went for 200pounds beauty. haha.. it was funny alright.. but at the end of the day i juz felt that there's a learning value in this show. juz like ugly betty? integrity still counts. as long as you are not going against your conscience (: after the show came home for dinner cuz i stupidly forgot to inform my meals that morning. x)

10may, thusday.
ran the 5k titans route. it was BAD. very BAD o.O but there's nothing much that i could do?? sigh. ran and my knee swelled a little after it. sobs.

11may, friday. today.
econs test was postponed. WAHAHAHAHAHA. too bad to all those who skipped school juz to skip the test =P

i did a 5k run for warm up during physio.. did a really slowwww 27.10min tortoise pace? yeah. big BOO right? was suppose to do agility. but because of the PFPS i didn't get to do much ): in the end i did a veryyyy slow paced hamstring strengthening lor ): saddening.

headed down for cg. got _____ with two idiots who irresponsibly left me waiting in VAIN for 45mins at city hall. thanks lor. rah. but nvm.. mongolian food tastes great. well at least i like the vege soup. it's yummy. and their "tea" iz salty. haha! tastes like watery cream of mushroom soup (:

guess that's allllllllllllll!! enjoy!! (:

*throbs @00:58
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Tuesday, May 01, 2007

happy labour day!!! (:

i had a great day (:
did you?

serene and debbie came over for a baking session!!! =) yay!! and we baked M&M cookies and brownie (: hee!! okay.. it was a success (: although we made a small mess of the kitchen at least we didn't set the place on fire (: and the cookies are YUMMY ok!! my dad and grandma and grandpa and maid all say iz nice (: plusplus after the baking was done when we were watching pride and prejudice? we(esp serene and debs x)) ate one WHOLE tray away. haha.. okay.. it was almost one tray.. x) heh!!

well.. so i woke up late and met serene and debs at singapore post to buy some ingredients at bout 1330? yeah. den came home and had a very late and delicious lunch. we finished the carrot juice in ONE day (: yummy. okay.. den started on the baking (: waha. it was fun. and i bet debs and serene's arms felt the strain from all the beating and mixing of ingredients. i felt it the last time i did too!! (: hee.. okok.. den cookies out. first tray cookies too big spread like paper. haha.. but still nice (: second tray was okay.. waha! den brownies was not bad.. quite easy to make.. and pretty normal i'd say x) yeah. and after we put it into the oven we watched PandP.. totally forgot all about the brownie. in the end it was in the oven too long. but lucky haven chaota. but i got too frantic ): i burnt my finger. ): while testing with the toothpick i accidentally hit my finger on the top of the oven. *ouch* den i faster took the box out. and in a frenzy my fingertips missed the cloth and touch the box at 190degree celsius. waha!! so now it's an additional slash on my middle finger. thank goodness my fourth iz juz slightly burnt (: and even at this hour it's still tender to the touch. bleh

but oh well (: baking was fun on a whole (: loved the company iz the most important things (: thanks serene and debbie!! =) we'll have more sessions ya!

*throbs @23:46
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